so I decided to restart my fitness journey by my self all over again we are going to call this mission 185 sooo yeah the last time i checked scale i was sitting  at a good 216  if my calculations are right that means i have about 30 pounds to loose i know it is not going to be easy but mehn it has to be done . A few people might wonder why do i want to do this . You look good  you dont look overweigh  but i know how i feel  . I actually hate how i  look  like i cant stand to look at my self in pictures  i  . I can see the weight in every part of my body it is actually so  annoying like how did i let my self become this . I just cant stand to look at my self in the mirror  like it is just soo irritating so today i have taken a stance this to do what makes me feel better. No more eating to hide emotions or trying to disguise my feelings i just have to start dealing with those emotions  and quite frankly the earlier the better  weigh loss for me is not about shedding the weight it is about addressing the issues that made me like this  talking about things i have never told  any one about  speaking up and having an opinion it is about evry body that has told me i dont have a voice . Even every time that i have felti wasnt good enough boy lemme tell you that is a lot of time but   i have decided to take charge onthis day june 19th 2017 i have played enough i is time to get serious and give my self the life i deserve  . I might  never share this publicly but this is my own way of expressing my feelings i have always liked to write down my thoughts. some times i Just feel like iam not doing what i m supposed tobe dong maybe that is why i get depressed or i feel like i botttle everything inside just keepit in until i just explode  or supress the emotions with food or whatever else but this is me coming out raw nothing hidden just doing what i know how yo do best write express my self be the best version of my self .  My posts might no t be gramiticlly correct a few people might think ian doing this for attention bit iamjust going to come here everyday and express how i feel  this will help me in the long runn. Heck some days  might be a really LOng post some days might be very short but iam going to do it one day at a time . on that note  till tomorrow......
 Kiki